my thoughts just keep coming to me so I thought I better have them recorded somewhere before I lose them. They are precious. Here it goes:
Don't follow the crowd. Do something different. Don't smoke when everyone smokes. Don't drink when everyone drinks. Don't dig your way through life when everyone scampers around like little lost mice trying to find the cheese.
Instead, be different.
Dare to be different.
Difference brings out your uniqueness. Brings out you you you cause there's no one like you. No one has the exact fingerprint as you. Even your tits ain't exactly symmetrical.
I just love anonymous blogs. Bottoms up to them!
cheerios.
Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Be G.R.E.A.T.
Suddenly, I feel like I wanna do something great, be something great. I wanna score well (not that I did badly, but not good enough). I wanna have
extremely good grades.
So I've gotta refrain from going out so often and start being more productive by getting my ass off the couch and setting them on the swivel chair in front of my study desk. I find that I tend to buy clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories that are really expensive; as in, each piece cost 150 bucks odd, min. I must rid myself of that bad habit but no matter how hard I try, branding seems to be a very important key for me when I shop. Bad culture. I think I should stop bringing my card along with me whenever I go shopping or just walking around cause I'd always end up swiping the card like I have a free-flow of money. Damn.
Let me just list out some of my new resolutions:
1) stop going out so often (like once or twice a week would suffice)
2) return home immediately after school
3) don't spend endless time on computer that seeps my energy away.
4) doing my assignments timely
5) start preparing for tests and exams
6) be more bothered with projects
7) ditch that phrase: " hey, let's meet up"
8) quit smoking
9) start exercising.
10) lose 10 kg in 10 months' time. (1kg off each month)
ok, I'll store these 10 points into my handphone and keep a watchful eye on it.
WARNING: Don't stray off or I'll bite my own ass off though I'm not sure how I'm ever gonna do that.
gosh I'm so frickin' tired I'm like slouching over the desk now. Just picked my friend up from the airport and I realised that through her stay in New Zealand, it becomes rather impossible for us to click like we used to in the past. Everyone and everything would eventually change. The connection is no longer there and I wonder if it is still worth keeping the friendship anymore. It has fallen from a friendship to an acquaintance-ship. When we talk, there seems to be this huge barrier stuck in between us and words don't come out as easy as they do back then. sigh. But everyone has to move away from the past, so... take it as it comes along.
Simply love it!
I'm so happy! I've just gotten my new phone: a Nokia 6111. =)
Do you believe in an afterlife? Is there really Heaven or Hell? I think that when we die, our bodies and souls cease to being completely. It just stops responding to the things around us; disappears altogether. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. No matter how hard life proves to be for us, we should never take our life away. Even when our bodies are battered and torn; our hearts are shattered and broken; we see no point in living, we should still continue living on. We only get to live once, just one goddamn motherfucking once. Be it bad or good, we'll come out as stronger people. People often fuck up in their lives. Seriously, who doesn't? But it's just a matter of how we react to all these - we can either pick ourselves up or bend over, keel and die.
We all need money to survive but if we are so caught up in this game, we'll be prisoners of money. If only we'd learn to make just enough for ourselves, we'd be happier. Live and let live. Everyone's finding a way to live. If you want everything, you'd find yourself without anything. There's too much in this world and it's impossible to have all. Try giving up everything and you'd surprisingly find that you have everything. When you're in despair, just smoke and scream," fuck it, I don't give shit!" You'd feel better.
I feel that criticisms are good at times but sometimes if you let people's judgements get too much into your head, you've become a prisoner of theirs. Let that be a passing remark and fuck it. To hell with it.
Damn. I'm a fucking preacher. I know I shouldn't be bothered with their comments but I just couldn't seem to let go of it. I hold every criticism in my mind and it just run through, over and over again. It never does stop. Then I know I've become their prisoner but there's nothing I can do about it. I just simply can't take my mind off those. At times, I avoid looking at the mirror. If I hadn't look at the mirror for quite a while, I'd feel good about myself. Most unfortunately, there are mirrors all around my house, my school and the public places. Everywhere I walk, I see my ugly reflection. I wish I could go for plastic surgery. Gimme a new nose! Suck out all the damn fats! Make me pretty! I really wonder if I were pretty and slim, would I be happier? Would it really make any difference? I'm a prisoner of everyone around me and a fucking prisoner of me, myself and I. I hate that I hate that I hate that and I wish I could, I wish I could take all the negativity away from me. Far far away and dump them into a garbage bin, burn it burn it burn it. Watch it fucking burn into ashes and then pour hot boiling water over it. Let it rot let it rot; let it fucking get out of my fucked-up life!
I don't wanna die a spinster. I want somebody. But I don't want just anybody, I want someone who would love me the way I do to him. Would any guy ever love me for the way I am?
a million little pieces
"A million little Pieces" by James Frey is indeed a marvellous, wonderfully inspiring book. Through the time I was reading it, I kept reminding myself that this actually happened in reality; it ain't some made-up Hollywood movies but something so brutally true. He did away with a lot of punctuation and grammar and successfully, he got his point across. I remember so clearly reading about the part where he had to get his teeth fixed up without using anesthetic. I literally felt the pain but I know it's peanuts compared to what he had felt. A truly inspiring book. It made me wanna quit smoking.
I'm undecided. What I really wish to do is to move out, rent an apartment with my friend and stay together. But part of me feel an obligation to be responsible towards my parents. They nobly sacrificed their youths for us; painstakingly beared all the crap from us; all they wanted was for us to be fillial and not ditch them when we grow up. Is that really too much to ask for?
It's really hard to live with someone for a long period of time. When 2 persons come and live together, there is always a tendency to want to exercise control over each other: restricting each other, trying to make the other believe what he/she believes in. All these would ultimately strain the relationship they have had before. I think the same applies to the relationship between a parent and a child. Moreover, being a parent, you would want the best for your child. More often than not, you trust that your belief is always right. But the child will eventually grow up and have his/her own mind. It is inevitable that he/she will rebel. So which do I choose- freedom or resposibility?
I'm an irony. I want love but I stop it from coming to me. I give false illusion to make myself appear less miserable but underneath, I crush and die. I hate to do projects but yet I have chosen to come to this place. I wanna be free but I picked up the fuckin' fag. I wanna be bold and not withhold any thoughts but deep inside I'm a frigging faggot. It's time to sleep but I put myself through these cause I hate to try and fall asleep.
Give me your strength oh chariot.
I must be strong cause that's what I have to be. I'm compelled to do a lot of things in this world. Forced by circumstances; freed by choices; strangled by choices. What's the difference? It's just a matter of perception. If you were in hell but chose to picture it as heaven, it'd be heaven. Even if God was kind enough to let you go to heaven, it'd still be hell anyway if you had thought it negatively. So what the fuck am I talking about? Nothing.. Just my usual rants when I am feeling down.
I'm so tired but I have no idea why I'm not going to bed. Sometimes I feel it's such a waste of time to sleep, yet there are times when I just wanna lie there for eternity.
I told you - I'm an irony.
I did get my haircut, not at Reds but at Jantzen. Last min decision to go back to my old trusted hair stylist. And yes, I haven't regretted a bit. =)
I'm a very happy girl now. There's only 2 things I'm upset about:
1) my ugly nose
2) my fats
So I'm going out for a run in just a bit to lose the excess tyres around my body.
Bye!
